Life-Changing Ministry for Adult Children of Divorce (ACOD)

Last summer,  I concluded a 5-week long online support group for Adult Children of Divorce sponsored by the Diocese of Arlington, VA. During one of the sessions, we discussed vulnerability, so I'm going to be vulnerable with all of you right now:

My parents' divorce was the most traumatic event of my life, made worse by the fact that it took 13 years from start to finish. Thanks to Leila Miller, I learned that I was not the only adult child of divorce who feels a deep sense of pain and loss. Through a FB group based on her book Primal Loss: The Now-Adult Children of Divorce Speak, I learned about Life-Giving Wounds: Catholic Ministry to Adult Children of Divorce and joined their Zoom support group last May.

 

The first session I attended was extremely difficult for me and I was in tears the entire 90 minutes. That evening, I had a headache that I assumed was from crying. Then the intense pain spread throughout my body so that I could barely sleep that night. Whenever the pain woke me up , I would pray -- for myself, for my parents, for the other people in the support group. The next morning, I woke up feeling perfect, aside from having puffy eyes. I truly believe that the physical pain was a manifestation of the pain of my parents' divorce beginning to leave my body. Though I still struggle with the repercussions of my parents' divorce, I am far more at peace now than I have been since I was 10 years old. 

 

If you or someone you know is an adult child of divorce who continues to feel the pain of losing your family, I would like to invite you to join Life-Giving Wounds: Catholic Ministry to Adult Children of Divorce and encourage you to attend one of their upcoming retreats.  Regardless of the location, I do plan to attend one of their retreats in the future.

 

It's not just you. There are a lot of us out there. I'm just starting my journey of healing, but it's better than not having the courage to begin the journey at all.

 

 

 

Please pray for everyone in the support group and for all those ACOD who are in pain, but have not yet discovered this ministry.

 

.

*And a special thank you to my dear husband, who has walked beside me in my pain for over 17 years, though he will never truly understand it. He made it possible for me to do this because he knew how important it was for me and for our family and he consoled me when I was an uncontrollably sobbing mess after the first meeting. I love you.

Historical Songs

This is going to be a fluid blog post, as I will add songs as I learn about them.

My boys and I love those old historical songs from the '50s and '60s and they're a unique tool for learning American and World History.  This playlist would be great for homeschooling, brick-and-mortar schooling or for road trips.



The following list is in more-or-less chronological order of the event or time period, not the song itself, and only includes songs that are family friendly and don't include questionable language or mature themes.

1100s

1104-1164:  "One Rode to Asa Bay" by Bathory about the Christian missionaries to Scandinavia 

1200s

1200s and beyond:  "Scarborough Fair" by Simon and Garfunkel about the 45-day-long fair held in Scarborough in Yorkshire

1400s

1431:  "Joan of Arc" by Arcade Fire

1499:  "Amerigo" by Patti Smith: This song is more poetic than straight historical, but it's still worth a listen.

1500s

16th Century:  "Seven Cities of Gold" by Rush

1591:  "Lord Grenville" by Al Stewart about Sir Richard Grenville who died in a naval battle versus the Spanish

1700s

circa 1755:  "Yankee Doodle" performed by James Cagney

1763-1767:  "Sailing to Philadelphia" by Mark Knopfler about the men who surveyed the Mason-Dixon Line

1773:  "Boston Tea Party" by Sensational Alex Harvey Band

Revolutionary War:  

• Birth of Liberty: Songs of the American Revolution
• Music of the American Revolution

born 1786:  "The Ballad of Davy Crockett" by Fess Parker

1800s

1800s:  "Ship Ahoy" by the O'Jays about the African slave trade 

1804-1808:  "Ballad of John Colter" by Fess Parker, about the first Mountain Man 

1809-1868:  "Ole Kit Carson" by Fess Parker 

1814:  "The Star Spangled Banner" by Francis Scott Key about the Battle of Baltimore during the War of 1812.

1815:  "The Battle of New Orleans" by Johnny Horton.  He sings numerous historical songs, but this one is our favorite.

1820s:  "Nantucket Sleigh Ride" by Mountain about the American whaling industry

1830s:  "The Reservation" by Paul Revere and the Raiders or "Trail of Tears" by John Denver about the Indian Removal Act

1842:  "The Testimony of Patience Kershaw" by the Unthanks about child labor in coal mines 

1859-1881:  "Billy the Kid" by Marty Robbins.  This song takes a bit of historical license, but is still fun.

1860-1865 (Civil War):  

• "Rebel Soldier" by Waylon Jennings about a Confederate soldier,  
• "Two Brothers" by Chris Stapleton, 
• "Johnny Reb" by Johnny Horton, 
• "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down" by Joan Baez
• "When Johnny Comes Marching Home" written by Patrick Gilmore 
• "Battle Hymn of the Republic" written by Julia Ward Howe
• "Dixie's Land" (AKA "I Wish I was in Dixie") by Daniel Decatur Emmett
• Civil War Songs

1861:  "Battle of Bull Run" by Johnny Horton

1863:  "Ballad of the Alamo" by Marty Robbins.  Marty Robbins is another who sings numerous historical songs.

1863:  "Missionary Ridge" by Shovels and Rope about the Battle of Missionary Ridge

born 1863:  "Casey Jones" by Johnny Cash

1870:  "Red River Valley" by Gene Autry about the Wolseley Expedition in Manitoba

1870s:  "The Legend of John Henry's Hammer" by Johnny Cash

1872:  "Mr. Powell" by Ozark Mountain Daredevils about the second Powell Expedition down the Colorado River and the Grand Canyon

1876:  "Mr. Custer" by Larry Verne, a novelty song about the Battle of Little Bighorn

1876:  "The Burial of Wild Bill" by Frank Jenkins' Pilot Mountaineers

late 1800s:  "Wabash Cannonball" by Roy Acuff or Johnny Cash or Boxcar Willie about the Wabash Cannonball Express as it traveled on the Great Rock Island train route 

1888:  "Semper Fidelis" by John Philip Sousa, the official march of the U.S. Marine Corps 

1896:  "Stars and Stripes Forever" by John Philip Sousa, the National March of the United States of America

1900s

early 1900s:  "Rox in the Box" by The Decemberists about miners in Butte, MT 

early 1900s:  "Maple Leaf Rag" by Scott Joplin, the King of Ragtime 

1906:  "Anchors Aweigh" by Charles A. Zimmerman and Alfred Hart Miles, the official song of the United States Navy 

1912:  "The Titanic" by Roy Acuff or "Titanic" by the Carter Family

1915-1916:  "On Battleship Hill" by PJ Harvey about the Gallipoli Campaign to take Constantinople 

1917:  "U.S. Field Artillery March" by John Philip Sousa, the official song of the U.S. Army

WWI:  "Snoopy vs. the Red Baron" by The Royal Guardsmen

1920:  "Red Wine" by Woody Guthrie about the Sacco and Vanzetti trial

1923:  "Istanbul (Not Constantinople)" by They Might be Giants 

1927:  "Lindbergh - The Eagle of the USA" by Vernon Dalhart, another artist who sings numerous historical songs
 
1927:  "Lindy Comes to Town" by Al Stewart

1929:  "The Night Chicago Died" by Paper Lace, inspired by Al Capone and the Valentine's Day Massacre 

WWI and WWII:  "Trains" by Al Stewart about the role of trains in both world wars 

1939:  "Wild Blue Yonder" by Robert MacArthur Crawford, the official U.S. Air Force song

1940s:  "Sixteen Tons" by Tennessee Ernie Ford: A song about the life of a Kentucky coal miner or "Big Bad John" by Jimmy Dean about mining in general

1940s:  "He Ain't Heavy, He's my Brother" by The Hollies, became the slogan for Fr. Flanagan's Boys Town. 

1941:  "London Pride" by Noel Coward about the bombings of London

1941 (May):  "Sink the Bismarck" by Johnny Horton

1941 (October):  "Reuben James" by The Kingston Trio about the sinking of the USS Reuben James 

1942:  "Midway" by Sabaton

1942-1946:  "Kenji" by Fort Minor about the Japanese-American internment 

1943:  "Zoot Suit Riot" by Cherry Poppin' Daddies about the riots in Los Angeles

1949-1989:  "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel

1960:  "Ruby's Shoes" by Lori McKenna about Ruby Bridges

1963:  "Dallas 1 PM" by Saxon about the John F. Kennedy Assassination

1963, 1968:  "Abraham, Martin, and John" by Dion about Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, Jr., and John F. Kennedy 

1971:  "City of New Orleans" by Arlo Guthrie about the Illinois Central Railroad's City of New Orleans

1972:   "Sunday, Bloody Sunday" by U2 about the killing of 23 Irish citizens by British troops in Northern Ireland

1975:  "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" by Gordon Lightfoot

1976:  "Suite Madame Blue" by Styx about the United States' Bicentennial

1982:  "Countdown" by Rush about the Space Shuttle Columbia 

1982-2000:  "Yankee Rose" by David Lee Roth about the Statue of Liberty's renovation

1986:  "Red Alert" by Saxon about the Chernobyl explosion


2000s

Surviving Mass with Children

In recent months, we have been pleasantly surprised by the compliments we have received about our boys' behavior during Mass.  It has been a long and arduous process, but we have finally achieved every Catholic parent's dream -- being able to sit together as a family for an entire Mass!

I promise you that it was not always like this.  In fact, we had to take our 2-year-old out of Mass a few months ago after he burst into heartbroken tears because he couldn't receive "Body of Christ."  If my child is going to pitch a fit at church, I'm blessed to say it's because he longs for the Eucharist!

We have reached the point in our parenting where people ask us how we do it.  My first reaction is amusement, since not long ago, we were the couple asking the family we knew with 9 kids how they all sit so nicely and quietly in a row during Mass while our kids couldn't sit still or stop talking.  There is an end in sight, I assure you! 

So to answer the questions, here's how we do it:

Set expectations before Mass

Before I write anything, I will preface this by saying that babies get what they want during Mass.  If they need to nurse, do it!  If they need a diaper change, do it!  If they get fussy, comfort them!  Motherhood is the duty of our state and a wise Norbertine priest (and 1 of 14 children) told me that God appreciates that we brought our children to Him and would want you to care for the children that He has given to you.  So lose the mommy guilt and know that you're doing precisely what God wants you to be doing, even if you're standing in the vestibule.

So that being said, once our kids hit 5 years old, they are in preparation to receive their First Holy Communion.  We expect them to be able to sit quietly during Mass and pay attention the best they can.   If they cannot do that, then they are not ready to receive.

Here are some of our expectations:

1.  Dress appropriately for Mass:  For us, that means long pants and either a collared shirt or a nice sweater.  The older 4 boys know the difference between "church clothes" and "regular clothes," so they are able to dress themselves in appropriate attire for church.

2. Be prepared for Mass:  If someone needs to go to confession, they know to let us know and someone will take them.  On the drive to Mass, we have the boys who are at the age of reason examine their consciences.

The other biggie is that they need to use the restroom before we leave the house to avoid mid-Mass trips to the men's room.

3.  You need to sit quietly in the church:  This means both quiet mouths and quiet bodies.  Admittedly, we do not always pray in silence before Mass begins because we're busy helping the younger kids to find their place in the missal and figuring out the appropriate seating arrangement for the day.  However, once we are situated, the boys know they need to sit quietly and not bother their brothers.  Whispering and murmuring from our 2-year-old is to be expected, but believe it or not, he will follow his brothers' lead and sit (mostly) quietly.

5.  Be reverent:  Our children have been taught that they need to honor Our Lord in His house.  They genuflect as they enter or enter the pew.  They say the prayers.  They sing the songs.

Teach your children that Mass is about worshiping God, not about their entertainment

This is #1 for us.

Toddlers and preschool aged kids have a tote bag filled with a few "church books" that they can look at during Mass.  We do not allow any secular materials since we are in the presence of Our Lord.  If they are looking at picture books, let them be about Jesus, or the saints, or the Bible so that they are at least learning about and loving our faith during Mass.  Some of our favorites are below:

We don't allow toys in church, but if a young child needs an object to hold, we let them bring a little plastic figurine of Mary or a saint with them.  We love Shining Light Dolls, but be forewarned that if they are dropped or thrown, they will roll away! 




















I have found these BibleToys figurines at Dollar Tree!  We have Mary, Moses, and David. 


They sell these at autom.com, in packs of 12 for less.  Maybe you and some of your Catholic parent friends can go in together to buy some!

*The above are affiliate links, so if you make a purchase, our family will receive a bit of compensation.  Every little bit helps, since 5 boys eat a lot of food!

Mass is not snack time, either.

Other than nursing infants, no food or drink enters the church with us.

Give a "Church Treat!"

It may sound silly, but we instituted the "Church Treat" several years ago and it has worked marvelously!  If our boys can make it through the drive to church, Mass, and the drive home without being counted to 3, they earn a treat.  Sometimes it's a piece of candy, other times, it's a small cup of soda, still other times we'll hook up our Atari flashback and let the boys play for an hour or so.  Whatever the incentive, it gives the boys a goal to work toward and they are more cognizant of their behavior.

This may sound like a lot, but after a while, it becomes second nature.  I really hope this helps some families who are struggling with bringing their children to Mass.  Trust me, Jesus wants to see them!

Epiphany Feast 2016

I had half a bottle of Rose wine left over from the holidays and didn't know what to do with it.  I asked a group of Catholic Foodies if they had a good recipe using Rose wine and someone gave this to me:









I adapted the recipe a bit and this is what I came up with.  I just need to think of a clever name for it.

1/4 c. butter
1/4 c. flour
2 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
1/4 tsp. ground nutmeg
2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
1 c. heavy cream
1/3 c. Rose wine
1/2 tsp. dried thyme
1/4 tsp. onion powder

1. Cut the chicken breasts into strips, then dredge in flour, salt, pepper, and nutmeg.
2. Brown the chicken in the butter over medium heat.
3. Stir in wine to deglaze the pan, followed by the cream, thyme, and onion powder.
4. Heat to boiling, then reduce heat to low and simmer for 15 minutes.
5. Serve over pasta or rice.

I served haricot verts sauteed with shallots on the side to finish off our Epiphany luncheon feast!

Here is the saucy goodness as it simmered!

The completed product.  Yum!

And to help you all celebrate today's Feast day, here's a beautiful video for you to enjoy: