Surviving Mass with Children

In recent months, we have been pleasantly surprised by the compliments we have received about our boys' behavior during Mass.  It has been a long and arduous process, but we have finally achieved every Catholic parent's dream -- being able to sit together as a family for an entire Mass!

I promise you that it was not always like this.  In fact, we had to take our 2-year-old out of Mass a few months ago after he burst into heartbroken tears because he couldn't receive "Body of Christ."  If my child is going to pitch a fit at church, I'm blessed to say it's because he longs for the Eucharist!

We have reached the point in our parenting where people ask us how we do it.  My first reaction is amusement, since not long ago, we were the couple asking the family we knew with 9 kids how they all sit so nicely and quietly in a row during Mass while our kids couldn't sit still or stop talking.  There is an end in sight, I assure you! 

So to answer the questions, here's how we do it:

Set expectations before Mass

Before I write anything, I will preface this by saying that babies get what they want during Mass.  If they need to nurse, do it!  If they need a diaper change, do it!  If they get fussy, comfort them!  Motherhood is the duty of our state and a wise Norbertine priest (and 1 of 14 children) told me that God appreciates that we brought our children to Him and would want you to care for the children that He has given to you.  So lose the mommy guilt and know that you're doing precisely what God wants you to be doing, even if you're standing in the vestibule.

So that being said, once our kids hit 5 years old, they are in preparation to receive their First Holy Communion.  We expect them to be able to sit quietly during Mass and pay attention the best they can.   If they cannot do that, then they are not ready to receive.

Here are some of our expectations:

1.  Dress appropriately for Mass:  For us, that means long pants and either a collared shirt or a nice sweater.  The older 4 boys know the difference between "church clothes" and "regular clothes," so they are able to dress themselves in appropriate attire for church.

2. Be prepared for Mass:  If someone needs to go to confession, they know to let us know and someone will take them.  On the drive to Mass, we have the boys who are at the age of reason examine their consciences.

The other biggie is that they need to use the restroom before we leave the house to avoid mid-Mass trips to the men's room.

3.  You need to sit quietly in the church:  This means both quiet mouths and quiet bodies.  Admittedly, we do not always pray in silence before Mass begins because we're busy helping the younger kids to find their place in the missal and figuring out the appropriate seating arrangement for the day.  However, once we are situated, the boys know they need to sit quietly and not bother their brothers.  Whispering and murmuring from our 2-year-old is to be expected, but believe it or not, he will follow his brothers' lead and sit (mostly) quietly.

5.  Be reverent:  Our children have been taught that they need to honor Our Lord in His house.  They genuflect as they enter or enter the pew.  They say the prayers.  They sing the songs.

Teach your children that Mass is about worshiping God, not about their entertainment

This is #1 for us.

Toddlers and preschool aged kids have a tote bag filled with a few "church books" that they can look at during Mass.  We do not allow any secular materials since we are in the presence of Our Lord.  If they are looking at picture books, let them be about Jesus, or the saints, or the Bible so that they are at least learning about and loving our faith during Mass.  Some of our favorites are below:

We don't allow toys in church, but if a young child needs an object to hold, we let them bring a little plastic figurine of Mary or a saint with them.  We love Shining Light Dolls, but be forewarned that if they are dropped or thrown, they will roll away! 




















I have found these BibleToys figurines at Dollar Tree!  We have Mary, Moses, and David. 


They sell these at autom.com, in packs of 12 for less.  Maybe you and some of your Catholic parent friends can go in together to buy some!

*The above are affiliate links, so if you make a purchase, our family will receive a bit of compensation.  Every little bit helps, since 5 boys eat a lot of food!

Mass is not snack time, either.

Other than nursing infants, no food or drink enters the church with us.

Give a "Church Treat!"

It may sound silly, but we instituted the "Church Treat" several years ago and it has worked marvelously!  If our boys can make it through the drive to church, Mass, and the drive home without being counted to 3, they earn a treat.  Sometimes it's a piece of candy, other times, it's a small cup of soda, still other times we'll hook up our Atari flashback and let the boys play for an hour or so.  Whatever the incentive, it gives the boys a goal to work toward and they are more cognizant of their behavior.

This may sound like a lot, but after a while, it becomes second nature.  I really hope this helps some families who are struggling with bringing their children to Mass.  Trust me, Jesus wants to see them!